VIEW CARTHi there.
We tried to be subtle, but that didn’t work. My supervisor said I should just ignore your email, but I feel you deserve an explanation:
A) we feel for you, appreciate your situation and don’t envy what you’ve been through.
B) which is why we have given samples to at least 1 recovering lap band patient…
C)…her request was much more thoughtful (longer, full sentences, formally polite), much more persuasive (explained in detail why she needs lean protein, why other lap band patients have recommended jerky, how she heard about us), and, as selfish as it may be, she said she’d recommend us to her support group. Issues of ethics and karma aside, whether any of what she said is true or not doesn’t really make a tangible difference. What matters is that she convinced us to give her free jerky.
D) You did not.
E) Despite our best attempts so far, we are not made of jerky. We are but a small company, very young, still learning much. You must understand that we simply can’t afford to give away free jerky to everyone who asks for it, or even to everyone we want to give free jerky to.
F) …except on Halloween. But it’s not Halloween. And you’re not a little kid. And i’m willing to bet you’re not wearing a sweet Boba Fett costume?
G) It costs money to make our jerky. We have to buy the meat, buy the ingredients, pay the chefs who make it. We have to pay to keep our website running. we’d like to be able to give our jerky out for free to everyone, but we simply can’t afford to. we must draw the line somewhere.
H) you are not even close to that line.
I) We care about you.
J). Really, we do.
K) …but when all you say is “hi send free jerky here”, it kinda makes us think you don’t actually care about us.
L) actually, you didn’t even say hi. Wow.
M) Heck, you didn’t even say the word “jerky” for that matter. is this the same canned email you use when you want to get free samples of motor oil?
N) so, I’m sorry, but we just can’t send you free samples today.
O) we will send you some motor oil though.
A suggestion, though, if you really want to try our jerky: go to our website, and order a bag of original marinade with Jerk McGurks Wild Rubdown (yes, it’s a silly name, but it’s a delicious spice rub that people tend to love. Also, what do you expect from a bunch of kids (adults) selling beef jerky?). I’m pretty sure you won’t be disappointed. If you and some friends all order together, the cost of shipping is the same as if you just ordered one bag, so you’ll save several bucks.
Otherwise, if you’re dead set on trying some for free, i suggest making a new email address so we don’t recognize you and contacting us in a few days, but next time please put a little more effort into it. “I would love some samples please” simply isn’t going to cut it.
Best of luck!
-SlantShack Jerky
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