Jerky Jones Does the Academy

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6:05 PM:

Thanks for checking in,

Not off to a good start. I’m one of the first people here. And seeing as I’m finding very little wiggle room for interrupting the chef and her vegetable-slicing boy-toy, I’m forced to bring my classic meaty commentary to this year’s Academy Awards back online, where let’s be honest it belongs. Anyway, the food here is terrible. It might influence my expert commentary. As usual, I’m pressed for time so I’m going to try to combine these updates. Thanks, followers.

You know Jerky Jokes always tells it like it is and I have to say… I take issue with a number of the films nominated this year. Oh no. First course. Back in a few. Fixing a drink.

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7:14

Not off to a good start. Only three people showed.

The Kids Are All Right?? More like, ‘the Crudites are All Right.‘ A few vegetables on a plate seems to be enough for some people, but not for me. I need my food to be GREAT– not ‘all right.”  Blegh. Should probably wash this down with something.

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7:22 PM

“True Grit(s)” ?!! Gross.  Who likes grits? Haven’t seen the film, but based on my uninformed assumption I’m gonna say this film was: BLAND– needs some spice. ‘nother drink.

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7:31 PM

Here’s what I have to say about Inception: It’s a thing-inside-a-thing-inside-a-thing.  I felt like I was watching a turduckin…which I just sampled.  What ever happened to one meat at a time? Like cow? Or simple movies about cowboys? I can have one more drink?

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7:39

It’s funny because in The King’s Speech you witness a therapeutic process that helps the protagonist speak better, but the more I consume this signature cocktail: The Drink’s Peach, I’m slurring more and more. Tastes great though. What was I saying?

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7:48
Yeah, it’s so fun! Oh yeah. Ok… Black Swan.  Well, much like the blackened prawn Beth made, it was somewhat appetizing because it was so hot but ultimately lacking and left insecure girls feeling sad that they can’t eat something different…oh no…more food.

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8:01

Don’t even get me started on the Toy Story 3. I felt a similar sentiment whilst consuming Asian-inspired: (Bok) Choy Curry Tea. The three flavors just don’t mesh. Like the stories of Toy, sometimes you have to give up after two.
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8:15

I was somewhat excited about the upcoming Japanese course, but nothing is going according to plan. It’s like that silly movie, The Social Network: too many chefs in this kitchen. I mean, it’s supposed to be raw and it’s still not ready. …ugh…so much drama in The Sushi Prepwork.