Jerky etiquette and the many uses of beef jerky

Warning: SlantShack Jerky in no way encourages nor condones the use of stolen beef jerky to finance any sort of adventure.

A couple of weeks ago, two cousins, on their way to help another relative, were out of money and proceeded to steal dollars worth of beef jerky in order to cover the expenses required for said mission. Unfortunately, they had neither a properly attached license plate on their car, nor valid driver’s licenses. These two facts ultimately led to their downfall as they were pulled over and their box of stolen jerky was discovered.

While we appreciate their placing such a high value on beef jerky (here at the SlantShack our jerky is worth ten times its weight in gold), it is just not right to steal jerky. You can snag a piece from a friend’s stash, you can sample it at any of our markets, but you really shouldn’t straight up steal it. If it were a pack of Jerk McGurk’s, our trained ninjas would have immediately been released from their chains, stopping at nothing to retrieve the stolen jerky and retrain the criminals through a process we refer to “Re-jerkification”.

This gas station jerky was likely not protected quite as well, but our trusty law enforcement officers took care of business anyway. We applaud you, officers, and respectfully request that you steer clear of SlantShackers munching on properly purchased jerky and focus your efforts on these true criminals.

For more details, the full article can be found,0,7040414.story.

Signing off, your man,

Jerk McGurk

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