It has come to our attention that the anti-meat facists have taken it a step too far, banning paying patrons from bringing meat into performance venues, and even going so far as to have hired security mercenaries screen them like they’re common criminals.
Original story here: [http://www.nme.com/news/morrissey/57992]
Well we’re one step ahead of them.
Some practical smuggling tips for the Jerky Freedom Fighter:
-Hide jerky in hoods of sweatshirts. They always forget to check in the hood.
– Wear jerky disguised as jewelry, like necklaces or bracelets. Attractive, practical, delicious.
– Make a faux “bound-leather” book cover. Also works for e-books.
– Empty contents of jerky bag into an empty bag of some vegetarian product and hope they don’t try to look inside.
– Hollow out some sort of gourd and fill it with jerky.
– Hide jerky bag inside a maxi-pad box to get past male bouncers/security.
– Jerky codpiece. Keeps you warm and savory while keeping your jerky stash well hidden. Won’t work on TSA screeners, though.
– Trojan cow pinata.
– Trained falcon. You can smuggle just about anything with the aid of your trusty feathered-friend, Mordecai.
– Jedi mind tricks. “You don’t need to look into my bag. There’s no meat in here. I can go right in and enjoy the concert.” Weak-minded fool….
If you have other tips on jerky smuggling that you’d like to share with The Resistance, please feel free to comment. Keep fighting the good fight, jerky lovers!