Category Archives: Ron Shortsweather

Three years ago, when the SlantShack was first formed, we hired our first sales rep, Ron Shortsweather, a veteran in the affairs of food salesmanhood.

After no more than two monitored phone calls, one intervention, and a subsequent sexual assault charge, Ron was promptly fired. Since then, a flurry of angry citizens have called the Shack to complain about one Ron Shortsweather leaving rambling, incoherent messages on their voicemails. Transcriptions below have been generously provided by the Jersey City Police Department (Sgt. DeMaio — you’re on the internet. I knew you you could do it!).

Another Hike Inside Your Brainisphere!

Hey Shackies and slanties! I have just returned from SO MANY LEVELS of dream-venturing to bring you YOUR OWN SECRETS!!!! I HAVE IT ON GOOD “psychic” AUTHORITY that you are going to eat JERKY. When/where/why??? That’s not up to me!!! … Continue reading

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Muscle Suits

DEAR MUSCLE MASSES!!! Now is as good a times as any to GET SERIOUS about pro-teins. Proteins is a fancy science-man word for THE THING THAT YOU SUMMON STRENGTH FROM. You can fine them in rocks, presidents, and most of … Continue reading

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Nostalgia?

Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts, Do you remember your childhoods? When you didn’t have to pay for food and there was only one subject you learned in school (called “The Truth”)? When a burly man named FATHER bounced … Continue reading

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BESAUCE I’M RIGHT

Hey Sharebrokers and Stockhavers, Can we talk about sadtimes? PLEEEASE!? Sadtimes are a real thing that happens all-the-time. FOR LITERALLY! The other day I found out that I was never going to meet a dinosaur. Got REAL, REAL sad. Wouldn’t … Continue reading

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