History Part I

..accurate, accurate history.

Part I

Slant Shack Jerky was born from five college degrees, a leaky roof and a dream sprinkled with nonchalance. No one knows the precise dream that took hold of the lives and ambitions of an entire household. It may have been caused by the blood rushing to one side of the brain during slanted-sleep, or it may just have been a good old-fashioned hallucinatory pipe dream. Unfortunately, witnesses of that glorious eve have long since busied themselves with other things.

Legend has it that on one gloomy winter's night, a man ten feet tall, and nearly one foot skinny, one of the truest lanksters of his generation, wandered kitchen-bound in search of a delicious but healthy meat-treat.

This particular lankster's ears did perk, as he thought he heard the oft-quoted zinger in the distance, "That's what she said!". But he waved it off.

"Tis the wind," he said, yawning. "Tis the wind and nothing more."...

Needless to say, his search yielded no meat-treat. Hunger crippled our poor protagonist and he fell to his bony knees, sobbing.

"Is there no land in which a man might find nightly satisfaction through the swallowing of delicious and healthy piece of savory meat!?"

Quoth the wind: "That's what she said."

"Damn you, jester! Why torture a soul so continually tortured as I? What cruel hex! What blessing of Lucifer! Must I be cursed to wander the night unable to satisfy the most basic cravings for large, flavor-oozing meat-treats?"

Quoth the wind: "That's what she said."

As you might imagine, this continued heckling gave our helpless hero a dreadful malaise -- visions of one snack he could keep handy at all hours, to stave off such wretched yearnings.

But destiny was a little bitch that night. Another roommate did find her beloved Lankster lying on the kitchen floor, emaciated, and crying like an overgrown, over-educated baby. She knew what had to be done....

It was that night, dear reader, that necessity shot triplets out her birth canal.

and the tale continues...