Histories Part II

Part II

Baby 1: Delicious Homemade Beef Jerky

Baby 2: Customized Homemade Beef Jerky

Baby 3: SlantShack Jerky

The two friends, nay, slantshackers, stayed up all night marinating beef slivers in specially concocted sauce, and drying in their oven. When their creation was born, they declared a new era, banishing hunger and licentious winds alike (though these winds would come back OH SO MANY TIMES throughout the days). He solicited his fellow slantshackers for help.

"Beef jerky is no longer a snack to be left for months in the lone gas station, or the soul-less convenience store. Nay, it can be ours again! It can be built to your liking. Behold, the BUILD-A-JERKY."

Here he unveiled a contraption unlike nothing ever invented. On the one side, a bucket of ruthlessly delicious marinade. In the front, a sleek, state-of-the-art mini dehydrator, named Bessie. Attaches somewhere towards the top and back, the rub and glaze station. It was a behemoth, to be sure. The gas-powered relic of an oven cowered in Bessie's glory.

This occasion was all the more thrilling from the blind enthusiasm of everyone everywhere: Across state-borders, flags were flown, seeds were sown, parents condoned, video-games postponed, and couples groaned as they boned in celebration of this homegrown milestone.

Yes, the jerky and jerky-related affairs became the central topic of the greater metropolitan area, as millions of people, primarily small, skinny manboys pretending to be professionals, stood by waiting -- waiting through arduous months of taste testing in which they would take no part, and many more months of image reconstruction that seemed oh so nit-picky and really probably not that important to the greater success of the company.

Oh you foolish children, will you ever learn to stop complaining and read a damn book?

The answer, of course, is no.

and the tale continues...